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My so called Angst

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[06 Apr 2004|11:23pm]
update: my journal moved a while ago to hikaru_chyan. Comment on the latest post to be added
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[06 Feb 2004|10:21pm]

We miss Juan! Please help us find him.

Please take this if you feel like it, to spread the word and help us find him.
12 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[24 Jan 2004|01:30am]
[ mood | tired ]

Random tangent:

Music is so relieveing. RO music is pretty.

Things went down at school today. Some of you probably know about it, i'm not particularly pleased with the out come though. But what happens happens.

7 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

Okay then [22 Jan 2004|05:07pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Hey everyone, been a while here. Just need to say something brief.

I do not intend, or ever mean to, use anybody. No matter how it may seem that way, it is untrue. And since i have a higher level of maturity, i'll even leave this post open to comments and flames or whatever one desires. I'm not even afraid of biased opinions from people. That way at least people can defend themselves or state their opinion :3

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[19 Jan 2004|09:41am]
[ mood | happy ]

Monica! You dork XD since you're prolly never going to see this anywhere else i minus well tell you here that i bought my airplane ticket to go visit you :3 i'll call you when i get home from work tonight. Love chuu~~

2 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[11 Jan 2004|11:06pm]
[ mood | blank ]

you know, i'll let people have their optism and hope. It's not their fault i don't have any. Things look bleak for me. If i can't get this done.. then theres really no hope for me to have a good future. I don't think it would be worth living if i was to have a crappy one.. i have a month to see if i can do anything and if nothing happens.. i don't know what i'll do

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[31 Dec 2003|04:46pm]
yo everybody-

Just wanted to drop a note between playing Kingdom Hearts and watching some potatoes cook~ I want to wish everyone a happy new year :D everyone have a good time and stuffies. Umm.. thats all XD bai bai!
1 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[25 Dec 2003|12:31am]
[ mood | excited ]

A bit exhausted, but here's my christmas update~

I went to my grandma's house around 4ish and by the time we got there my Aunt Karen, Uncle Randy, and their daughters Kayla and Jessica were there. As always, Kayla was all happy :3 she loves christmas, and for reference shes 9. So i played around with her a tad but most of the time i was zoned out. My grandma and grandpa were babying me alot X3 everyone was so nice to me. They kept checking on me, asking me if i wanted something to eat or drink or to lie down. They even tucked me in on the couch and my uncle neils that rarely talks to me came to make sure i was okay. I really do love my family, you know? We're so close, it means a lot to me. Eric, one of my favie cousins, and his fiance Miwa came. He seemed good, we didn't get to talk much though. I wasn't too talkative anyway. I actually got along with Karen okay, sometimes we disagree on things. Got lots of pressies X3 here goes the lists:

From Oma and Opa: - a yellow knitted snow bunny hat, the kind with a big pom pom ontop with jingle bells tyed to the pom pom >< SO CYUTE!
-a yellow hoody :D it has an awesome dragon on the front too. Tis teh kewlz
-Winneh the pooh pajamas
-A nice sweater and scarf set. pretty bright colors. They know me so well XD
-a funky scarf monica helped make

Uncle Randy and Auntie Karen: -this cool little agenda/purse thing. its cute and it had 20 bucks inside ^_~ lucky!

Uncle neils: -a borders gift card with an unknown amount of money on it XD

Daddy: - a really nice CKone gift set. It comes with a HUGE bottle of CKone and a big bottle of CKone lotion *_* tis teh nice. i wasn't expecting that

Moni~: - a bracelet that looks just like Kyou's from Fruits Basket *_*
- FINDING NEMO *____________*

i think thats it o.o yeah it is. Anyway i love christmas. I just love being with my family all together like that. I missed lovie all day though T_T i got to talk to him for a bit, then i left to watch Nemo and now he's gone i think. Anyway, i love you baby and i hope you enjoy your christmas ^^ *huggles* i love you so so muchly Juan. Take care T_T don't get hurt anymore kay?

Night night everyone, and merry christmas to you all, and you all have a goodnight~

2 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[24 Dec 2003|03:40pm]
i'm feeling a lot better today~ Longer post later.

Merry christmas everyone!
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[20 Dec 2003|01:46am]

yeah.. being random now. Guess he isn't coming back so i'm just going to bed ^^ i have work tommorow and then a project so i might not be on much, or if i am, may not be talkative. Sunday i'm prolly going to NYC with my family to do stuff. Depends on how i feel. I feel pretty good.. just need to do something before i sleep ^^

night night everyone~
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[20 Dec 2003|01:45am]
[ mood | sad ]

Even though he just left, i feel really sad. Maybe its just the song or whatever.. i've just been really sad all day and near the verge of tears. I've been thinking about Mom alot, not to the point i want to talk about it. Sometimes i like keeping things to myself. I just miss Juan a lot i guess too. I just get afraid sometimes that i'll wake up and it'll all be gone.. that its going to be like before that i won't get to say goodbye or anything. I guess thats just my angst.. that i fear my happiness is only temporary and it'll just evaportate. I don't talk about that too much with anyone. Just wanted to write out how i feel. Funny how fast my emotions change. yey mood swings

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[20 Dec 2003|01:23am]
[ mood | excited ]

Listening to this song full blast makes me feel so much better for some reason. It is really sad.. but somehow i can really feel i relate. Anyway, V-chatted with love for a while. That was really nice. ^^ i love him so much. I can't even explain it... i've never truely felt this way with someone. I'm always happy. Whether i'm with him or not, whether i'm awake or sleeping. He means so much to me. I guess he reminds me of this song.. so thats why i love it so much. Juan, you are the one for me. I love you so much.

Silly, i think he fell asleep at his computer. Lovie, have a good day tommorow if i don't get to talk to you. I love you. I always will.

to everyone else: sorry this journal has turned into one big love letter, it's just how i feel.

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[19 Dec 2003|07:39pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i made salchipapa for dinner. If you aren't peruvian, then its french fries with little pieces of hot dog! Tis yummeh.

Anyway, i was going through the mail and saw a Victoria's Secret catalog so i was looking through it (theres a never ending search for a better home for beatrix and stella) and my dad asked me if i saw anything good in there. I just shrugged and then he said something weird to me.. off topic of sorts. This is what he said.

Dad: "You know Lauren, with a body like yours, you're going to get a good husband. Someone who really loves you."
Me: "Are you saying i have a good body? <<"
Dad: "Yeah." *goes off to change*
Me: "What if i married a Peruvian?"
Dad: "I would throw you a huge wedding."
Me: *silent for a minute* "...with Fruna and Sublime?"
Dad: "Nah."

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.. but in a way it made me happy.. maybe that means he'll be accepting of Juan? I wanted to wait to tell Juan that but he's taking forever to come home :3 love you baby~

4 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[17 Dec 2003|11:10pm]
i edited my userinfo :D

i love you juan!
1 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[17 Dec 2003|09:21pm]

31 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[17 Dec 2003|07:52pm]
Y O U R....
x. name: Lauren
x. birthplace: West Hartford, CT
x. birthday: May 28, 1986
x. nationality: American Peruvian i guess?
x. school: William H. Hall highschool
x. grade: 12th
x. piercings:one in each ear
x. tattoos: None
x. height: 5' 2''
x. shoe size: 9 1/2 or 9
x. hair color: brown redish color o_O
x. length: around my shoulders, a tad shorter
x. siblings: 1, older sistah :D
x. pets: none except my sister's dog Amber.

L A S T...
x. movie you rented : About Schimdt
x. movie you bought : umm... *thinks* poltergiest i think
x. song you listened to : Garden forgotten by time from Castlevania lament of innocence
x. song you had stuck in your head : Over the fantasy from Final fantasy Unlimited
x. song you've downloaded : the OST from Castlevania LoI

x. person you've called : Juan a while ago
x. person that called you : Juan
x. person you talked to online: Juan. See a pattern yet? XD
x. time you dyed your hair: early this year.. prolly june or july
x. time you took pictures: the other day we had senior class photos
x. tv show you've watched : the news with dan rather!
x. person you were thinking of: Juan

D O ..
x. you have a bf or gf : only the best one. X3 love chuu juan!
x. you have a crush on someone : yep
x. you wish you could live: with juan
x. you think about suicide : not really
x. you believe in online dating : sort of.
x. others find you attractive :some do, some don't
x. you want more piercings : nope. i hate anything that has to do with needles or puncturing myself XD
x. you want more tattoos : maybe 1
x. you drink : when i can
x. you steal : nope
x. you do drugs :no
x. you like cleaning : i'll just say i'm lazy .
x. you write in cursive or print : loopy print
x. you carry a donor card : "I hereby give my left kidney to whomever actually read this far." No.. i love my organs.. i love them good..

C H O O S E O N E:
x. black/white: Black
x. bf or gf/ friends: a little bit of both. It's a balanced thing
x. morning/night: dusk
x. pool/jacuzzi: Pool
x. britney/christina: i would prefer to be dead then choose
x. sunlight/moonlight: sunlgiht
x. blonde/brunnette: brunette.
x. short hair/long hair: whatevah o.o i want longer hair though

F A V O R I T E...
x. fav food : Pizza, pollo del horno, pollo a la brasa, mashed potatoes, PANCAKES! XD Grilled cheese.. i love food..
x. color: yellow
x. number: i don't have one o_O
x. song: "grip~" from inuyasha
x. thing to talk about: being retarded, anime, music, school.. everything?
x. candy: chocolate or hard candies
x. drinks : Cherry coke! Its crack in a bottle
x. movies : hmmmmmmm... pirates of the cariabbean? i like horror movies a lot though
x. bands : none really. i like instrumentals and mostly bgms from games and anime
x. holiday : thanksgiving and christmas. So what if i chose two?

Y O U.E V E R...
x. cried over a girl/ boy: plenty of times
x. caught a bf / gf cheating: nope. at least they never did that to me
x. backstabbed someone: tis what a girl does best XD
x. lied to someone: on occasion. only so i don't get yelled at by my dad though
x. been in a fist fight / arrested: nope
x. regretted being with a guy/girl: many times

W H A T...
x. shampoo do you use: L'Oreal for kids Mango Tango XD.
x. cologne do you use : CKOne. I'm almost out though ;;
x. are you scared of : being alone
N U M B E R...
x. of times I have had my heart broken? : lost count o_O;
x. of hearts I have broken? : no clue. i don't think i've ever broken anyone's heart.
x. of continents I have lived in? 2
x. of drugs taken illegally? : 1
x. of people I would classify as true friends, who I trust with my life : five
x. of people I consider my enemies? : 1 who lives in canada X3
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with? : i'm still in highschool
x. of cd's that I own? : more then 100 i bet
x. of scars on my body? : a bunch o.O
x. of things in my past that I regret: too many to list. Are you trying to make every question a massive summary?

R A N D O M ...
x. are you bored yet: sort of. I don't really have anything better to do
x. do you love me: how can i love a quiz?
x. should i stop: i don't know. I think people stopped reading this a while ago.
x. fine, last words: train sex. That needs no explainations.
5 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[17 Dec 2003|08:52am]
[ mood | drained ]

I am teh lucky! I get to stay home again today, so i'll prolly play ps2 all day and i have to thank Juan-love for that.

Last night i was reading over some old entries since Juan said he was doing so, and i really realized how much things have changed. My feelings used to change every .5 seconds and i wonder if i was really honest to myself that entire time. Well, at least i know i'm being honest to myself now. I'm honest about my feelings anyway.. i love juan. ^^ he makes me so happy and waking up in the morning is just such a great way to start a day, even if i'm sick and stuff. I just love talking to him and being with him in general. He's a great person. I love him so muchly, he's really changed my life so much for the better. I used to angst a lot about being lonely, even when i was in prior relationships. And i realized, that Juan is the person i've been waiting for all this time. But i think i knew that a while ago ^^; I'm just really lucky for that.

Bobbie cracks me up too XD That was mean of him to say you sound farmy! You two are so silly that you crack me up. >> and you best not be plotting something or i'll have to plot in return. >3 Anyway hope you're good and such too! I'm sure once finals finish you'll have more stuffs to do. ;; when my break comes i have to work everyday though.

Anyway~ off to fiddle with things!

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[16 Dec 2003|05:43pm]
My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 7th_icon_hells a-writing.
11 akabakas a-raving.
10 aoshishinomoris a-commenting.
9 dousukus a-massaging.
8 drumultimas a-kicking.
7 itazurakkos a-swimming.
6 kokkei_akaruis a-laughing.
5 mauve lilasiangurlies.
4 yelling oroxchans.
3 Israeli robtontos.
2 canary tearfloods.
And a valkyrielennith in a blueberry tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

XD other then that i stayed home sick today. I feel a tad better but still pretty gross.
5 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[15 Dec 2003|05:43pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i'm feeling withdrawn. Don't take my behavior personally, i'm just going through a lot right now and i'm really sick.

2 smacked too hard and inflicted brain damage| Thwap the baka?

[15 Dec 2003|04:53pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Today we had a 90 minute delay in school. I got to sleep a bit more, but i'm still not feeling good at all. I asked to stay home, but my dad said no because he doesn't want Monica to get sick also. I didn't take my chemistry test today, but i did take my CISCO test and failed. I really need to get going in that class, else i won't get the 3.2 i need to keep my ps2 and plus i don't want to be deffered from any colleges. The chance of being deffered for me is slim though. Anyway. got up and checked the delay and found an amusing message from Bitchoid reading "U have issues." I almost laughed so hard i nearly woke up Monica. I wanted to respond to her so badly, but alas she was gone. No major loss though because i could really care less what she thinks. She really takes the cake when it comes to having issues. I just found that really amusing.

XD had more fun toying with Shiran's mind. Will, Doug and I are all pretending that Doug loves Shiran. Shiran keeps flipping out. It's so so funny. Shiran is like "I love me but that doesn't make me gay." Okay, just because Doug likes him doesn't make Shiran gay. And someone of the opposite sex liking you is a compliment to yourself. It means people find you attractive and there is nothing wrong about being gay either.

Monica and I have been playing Castlevania: Lament of innocence thanks to juan and his kindness. *_* its such a cool game. And tommorow is tuesday, which means i get to see juan. I dunno what i'm going to do though because i'm feeling worse then i did before. I'll have to see how things go because i don't want to miss out on seeing him. Umm.. other then that i'm not doing much else ^^

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